Meeting expectations

“We’re wired to expect the world to be brighter and more meaningful and more obviously interesting than it actually is. And when we realize that it isn’t, we start looking around for the real world.” Lev Grossman

I’m supposed to do a self-evaluation for something I signed up to do and I find it very difficult. I don’t do well with self-descriptions, let alone “judging” myself for something I did or didn’t do. The exciting part, though, is asking yourself if you have met or exceeded other people’s expectations. And yours, too.

In these things, I guess I have to make do with being honest, since that always works.

What’s the purpose of self-evaluation? Most people see this as justification for appraisal. The official battlecry is: “Never sell yourself short,” especially if you believe from the bottom of your big, throbbing heart that you deserve some appreciation. Others take a different perspective. It’s probably a chance to weigh the things you’ve done and whether they amount to anything that will make you a better and stronger person (if you’re cheesy as hell).

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Expectations are a tricky thing. In the workplace, it’s natural for the company to have certain expectations because it pays you to meet/exceed them in the first place. Nobody is king except that whose hands feed you. But to gauge something as relative as “expectations,” it’s a tall order. It’s the Petronas Towers of orders.

In light of the recent Philippine elections, many people feel disheartened and (dare I say it) disgusted by the results. They condemn how some people voted, why Filipinos easily forget, and how the system really sucks in our country. But after all the harsh, spiteful, demeaning words are out in the open, democracy still entails that we get and accept the government that we create. It’s not always to our liking, for we are not that lucky. So we are left to face the consequences and hope for the best. This may be hard for most of us to do because losing in the elections means losing faith in our country. But do we really want to do that? Do we really want to throw in the towel and give up?

Instead of dwelling on what we can’t change (for now, that is), we just have to push these people (whom we didn’t like but were vested with power by the majority) to do their job — to prove us wrong. We all have different reasons why we did and didn’t vote for a particular candidate but at the end of the day, we all want the same thing. We all want change. Can we do that by being sore losers?

Your guess is as good as mine.

As for the newly-elected (and re-elected), I pose this challenge. Meet our expectations (for good governance). In fact, exceed them. We hesitantly and doubtfully gave you the power to do that so we’ll be watching you from here on out. Be the change that we seek. For the record, we are not asking. We are demanding, and rightfully so.

Curb your enthusiasm

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Imagine yourself wanting to buy a really good pair of shoes. The first time you saw them, they didn’t exactly make you head over heels. But the more you see them grandiosely displayed by the window, the more you want them. Unconsciously, you make ends meet just so you can get closer to those shoes, possibly even have them.

You feel that those shoes are really made for you. They’re easy on the eyes, look sturdy and really make good sense. They also make you feel so damn good.

But as fate would have it, they’re the last pair. What’s worse is, someone else has already reserved them. Now, you are left to ponder on your own series of unfortunate events.

You are in no position to compromise. You are in no position to do anything actually. So, you’re left to just stare at them from afar. You see them everyday but you’re forced to curb your enthusiasm.

But since you’re stubborn as hell, you can’t help but hope that somehow, another great pair comes along. Or maybe, just maybe, that pair you’ve always wanted is not all gone.

Letters

I love letter-writing. I love reading letters and writing them, regardless if they end up being sent or forever concealed in a locked-up box in the closet. I started doing it when I was six, give or take. I had to write letters to my dad then since he’s working so far away from us. I remember my mom asking us to do it every week, much to my delight.

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Handwritten letters are still the most intimate form of communication. The graceful effort of putting ink to paper while your thoughts impel you to composition overdrive brings about feelings of warmth and longing that you hope the reader imbibes. Back then, I would devour pages and pages of yellow pad paper so I could share with my dad things I really care about. Even if it’s just how I’ve been doing in school, how I wished he’s here on my birthday, or how I didn’t get more playtime than I would’ve wanted.

A few years into the obsession, I expanded my reach by also writing to my friends, classmates, and ex-SOs about the most random things — serious, trivial or both. I think everyone that I’ve gotten close to has, at one point or another, received a letter from me. I was never ashamed of it.

I also received hundreds of them, which I still keep to this day. It’s not only the romance and drama that attracts me to it, since people tend to be at their most unfeigned (emotionally) in their letters, but the mere accessibility of nostalgia is also a welcome invitation. Even to this day, I never really gotten over the high in letter-writing. It’s writing at its most primitive yet it can take you to places beyond your imagination, sans the help of WiFi and the imposing 140-character limit.

It’s a lost art now, sadly, but I’d take handwritten letters over any means of expression any day in any of my possible lifetimes. Believe me, nothing can make you laugh, cry, or feel so loved than an honest letter from someone you care about.

Anyway, I’m posting this letter from John Steinbeck because it’s one of the loveliest letters I’ve ever read in my life. This is his letter to his son, who confessed in their previous correspondence that he’s in love with a girl he met in boarding school. This is just too sweet, and too valuable, not to share. Read the rest of this entry »

All is forgiven

A month ago, the Supreme Court granted judicial clemency to a former Pampanga judge, which lifted his perpetual ban from government service after being charged with a sexual harassment case 16 years ago.  He is 71 years old.

Judge Hermin Arceo was dismissed in 1996 after harassing his female clerk. His advances ranged from giving her a lascivious poem, making sexual gestures using his forefinger, and rubbing his lower part to her behind. Arceo was deemed unfit and unworthy by the Supreme Court to dispense justice, as his “actuations, if condoned, would damage the integrity of the judiciary, fomenting distrust in the system.”

But in an eight-page resolution, 16 years later, all of that was forgiven. The court en banc granted the petition for reprieve. Even if he’s way past the retirement age, the Supreme Court doesn’t doubt that “he could still be of service to the government in some other capacity.”

This recognition of restored credibility stems from his successful post-judge work. Arceo went private and moved on by providing service to poor litigants, neighbors and friends. It’s amazing what 16 years can do. During that time, he got commendation from esteemed colleagues, and won the 2011 Gawad Bunying Abogadong Bulakenyo award. Basically, he turned his life around.

For an ex-offender to recover positively from a huge setback is rare, if not ambitious. To get back on one’s feet to the point where your past mistakes can’t entirely haunt you is an incredible achievement.

Arceo behaved like any man probably will at least once in their lifetime, except of course, he was expected to act more honorably and to be more morally superior than the rest of his brethren. Great power comes with great responsibility, and also demands the highest level of decency. The Petraeuses, Strauss-Kahns and Weiners will attest to that fact. Powerful men tend to make reckless choices when it comes to the calls of the flesh. Others blame this on biology, while the rest banks on sheer morality.

However, no matter how scandalous and reprehensible the act, everyone deserves a second chance (at least by law), in the condition that one shows remorse, repairs the harm he’s done and makes an effort to be a changed man — a more honorable man. It’s the highest form of restorative justice.

Second chances are a luxury that not many can afford. It all boils down to trust, this thing of beauty that once shattered cannot be put back to pieces. When people are robbed of confidence to trust someone, they tend to be less forgiving and more judgmental. Naturally, it’s hard to forgive people who did you wrong when they’re supposed to protect you. Arceo was a weak man, sinful and dirty. But after that moment of weakness, Arceo chose to repair the harm by refusing to be defined by his transgressions. The Supreme Court’s clemency proves that the country’s judicial system can still be fair and sympathetic. They punish your sins and reward your atonements.

At 71, Arceo may not have that long of a life to continue to prove that he is not his past mistakes. No one really expects local courts will be contacting him anytime soon for his services. He probably wouldn’t want that. But the decision puts more weight on character redemption than reinstatement. At least the Supreme Court gave a reformed man his second chance, probably his last, to live his life with absolution.

At least in the eyes of the laws of men, he is redeemed. He is forgiven. 

*This is an editorial (slightly tweaked) I wrote for my Journ class. Full story here:

According to Benjamin

To start 2013 here, I thought I’d share some good old virtues from Benjamin Franklin that we can definitely keep in mind as we enjoy another awesome year. It sounds old and probably trite but its value is timeless and its intentions right. Happy New Year!

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A repost from the great Maria Popova.

Existential drama and the courage to start all over again

I have a desire for many things. But as imperfect as life is, there is always disappointment. Disillusionment. And after many years of stubbornness, I’ve slowly made my peace with it.

For someone who values the opportunity to choose the life I want and how I live it, I am always grateful for big and little pieces of wisdom that will help me make the most of it. I’m the kind of person who never lets any information go down the drain. Someday, it will all make sense. Someday, you’re gonna need it. Someday, it might even save your life. These I keep reminding myself. For me, there’s no such thing as useless knowledge.

Knowing is always exciting. It gives you the power to make conscious (and hopefully wise) decisions. It also gives you the chance to put to the test your own personal theories and assumptions. You think about things a certain way and you stick with them until something or someone proves you wrong. Then you move on and apply the lessons you learned and wish that you’re not wrong this time. It’s a vicious cycle, at times unnerving, but it’s the closest thing to maneuvering in the “real world” as you can get.

Life’s greatest mysteries can be that simplistic.

A few things:

1. People will always be selfish. Yes, there are people who are kind, generous, and compassionate. But I’ll bet you everything I own there’s always a certain kind of selfishness inside of them, inside of us. There are moments when you have to put yourself first before others. Don’t feel bad about it because you know what? That’s okay.

2. You need people in your life to really get to know yourself better or to find inner peace. Hindi totoo na sa bundok o sa dagat mo makikila ang totoong sarili mo. Seclusion and all that melodramatic fanfare can only do so much. You need actual, real living people to make sense of your life.

3. When you want something, you have to give up something as well, whether it’s money, time, people, efforts or a little part of yourself. It’s always been the default trade.

4. Whatever your issues are, know that ultimately it all boils down to respect. You can shut down an idea, call a person out on his or her misguided thinking but never cheapen everything by being rude just for the sake of being rude.

5. Happiness can only be happiness if it’s genuine. Optimism, or extravagant efforts to be optimistic, can be severely misinterpreted and misunderstood.

6. It’s okay to pause for a while. Things can go really fast, scary and confusing. Every moment that you can step back and relax is precious.

7. Prioritize. Some things and some people rightfully deserve more attention than others. But always make it up to those you seem to have taken for granted.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Indifference doesn’t do anything or anyone any good. It only makes you irrelevant.

10. If you can help it, don’t burn bridges.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

In times of calamity

 There is fear. 

Source: Inquirer.net

Photo courtesy of Ted Aljibe/AFP/Getty Images
Retrieved from The Atlantic

Photo courtesy of Erik De Castro/Reuters
Retrieved from The Atlantic

There is despair.

Photo courtesy of Jay Directo/AFP/Getty Images
Retrieved from The Atlantic

Photo courtesy of Aaron Favila/AP Photo
Retrieved from The Atlantic

There is stupidity.

Source: GMA News Online

But there is also light.

Artwork by twitter.com/_JaoJavier
Retrieved from Rappler.com

Ingenuity.

Source: Inquirer.net

Kindness, unity, love.

Photo courtesy of The Guidon/JL T. Javier

Photo courtesy of Ted Ajibe/AFP/Getty Images
Retrieved from The Atlantic

Retrieved from CNN.com

There are big lessons learned here. We did take a lot for granted. Things we could’ve done many years since Ondoy but didn’t. Things we should’ve done as decent human beings but didn’t. But there are also those we don’t forget. First, the people that we love for whom we’ll brave any kind of storm. Second, the value of being more mindful of our actions, especially when the consequences are as grave as the massive flood. Lastly, the many people who selflessly do their part to help the people in need, whether because of duty or by sheer bayanihan spirit.  Strangers become friends, ordinary people become heroes — not bound by anything except the choice to do what is right, what is expected of those who have the resources, and ultimately, to do what will be considered noble.

Who to contact for help/donations:
Operation Walang Iwanan- Gawad Kalinga
UST, through its student body officialSOCC,  contact 09055003546.
Ateneo Relief Efforts
Rescueph.com
Rappler also posted quick ways to help through different organizations

Assassin

I was a killer, was the best they’d ever seen
I’d steal your heart before you ever heard a thing
I’m an assassin and I had a job to do
Little did I know that girl was an assassin too

Gaiety

I was having lunch with my colleagues when one of them started spurting words that I didn’t understand immediately.  I got totally lost in the conversation because I couldn’t move past what he said. It’s the typical communication breakdown.

I quote and I’m paraphrasing what I thought I heard: “Sa party, naku yung isang guy, si Melanie Marquez.”

Everyone started laughing and I was still hung up on the “what? what did he say?”

He was actually saying the guy stinks. Smellanie Marquez. Get it?

Such is why I’m fascinated with our friends from the “happy” sex. They are a mirthful lot. They can make us ordinary people appear shoshonga-shonga with their colorful language that is not for the uninitiated. But more than their sense of humor defining everything that is crazy-funny in the Philippines at the moment, I can’t help but be constantly amazed at how they have evolved as a community with great influence in fashion, culture and lifestyle, the arts and entertainment, and the whole communication landscape.

For lovers of belle lettres, distortion of language can either be preposterous or hilarious. My sentiments for the Bekingese apparently lean more toward the latter.

So to be more acquainted with the “language of the learned” or LOL (amirite?), I Googled some famous gayspeak to help us mere mortals get by in this extra-fabulous world. Read the rest of this entry »

Say Aah!

I’m in the middle of looping Lindsay Pavao’s cover of Say Ahh, and well, it seemed appropriate.For a non-word, Urban Dictionary sure has many definitions for it. Aah, it says, describes “an emotion, such as anger, pleasure or shock.” Like in ghost stories or when some people look in the mirror.

Ahh! I’m going to smash your face!
Ahh! That feels sooooo good!
And the banshee emerges from behind, and everyone was in panic. “Ahhhhhhh!” The screams were unfortunately drowned by the stentorian wailing of the hideous monster.

It’s also used when force-feeding a child. Fighting a ninja. Or when characters fall off buildings, into an abyss or in really deep wells. Falling in general. Chasms in general.

Finally, it is also used to proclaim, quite eloquently, orgasmic feats. Aah! Another round?

However, in this context, I’d like to use it differently. For saying aah! can mean blind faith.

As living, breathing human beings, we have biases. It’s confirmation that we actually stand for something in life. Most of us gravitate toward those who have similar preferences because in the natural order of things, they seem perfect to cohabitate with. (On paper, yes. But I digress.)

Similarly (pun intended), cognitive dissonance theory offers selective exposure. It is the tendency to avoid information inconsistent with one’s beliefs and attitudes. It talks about how some people, in order to avoid tension, must make a decision to change their behavior or their beliefs in order to create consistency. It assumes that most people think dissonance is bad and so we should adjust according to society’s (or other people’s) norms or conventions, hence, sacrificing our own beliefs for the presumed “peace” and “order.”

Among this throng of same believers, there are those who are bound to be a little more in control. Maybe they are born to be leaders. With leadership, of course, comes power. We don’t need Spiderman telling us the strings attached to power because a.) no one really takes superheroes seriously (unfortunately!) and b.) we do know them, understand everything about them but when reality shoves them to our faces, we choose to forget.

As a result, there are “leaders” (or simply overbearing people) who take advantage of this acquired power. They then develop their own delusions of grandeur. And the worst part of it, they will gain an army of blind followers who will say aah! all the time, as if no is such a ghastly option. Everything he/she says and does is a stroke of genius for these people.

It’s like a cult, except they don’t have Tyler Durden, which sucks for them.

Aah!

These people, as if held under a spell, concur in unison for every blatant display of superiority in full HD. It’s the ultimate subservience. Even if certain situations, even purely commonsensical, demand otherwise, they don’t flinch. Their balls are simply downgraded to mere adornments in mall displays. They are disenfranchised, defenseless and disabled, like washed-up marionettes desperately clinging to strings for the sake of a “good” show. Read the rest of this entry »

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